Glee webisodes recap.
when asked if the fox.com glee webisodes should be considered glee canon, showrunner mitchell warwick answered in the affirmative even though wyatt (who was killed off in the heartrending rabies/gloria estefan episode of season 2) confusingly is shown wielding a billy club in the gang fight montage of webisode 03. whatever your feelings are on the controversy, here’s the recap all you gleeks have been waiting for.
webisode 01:
last season’s love pentagon between jayden, hayden, aiden, brayden and kaiden grows to hexagonal proportions when foreign exchange student bong sook (portrayed by a cgi model and voiced by daveigh chase) enrolls at walter reuther high school. in this first webisode of the webiseason, hayden stumbles upon an embarrassing youtube video of bong sook in a seoul karaoke arcade singing an off-key rendition of “copacabana”. hayden contemplates writing a lewd comment using brayden’s login information but coach stops him at the last minute and makes him climb up and down a rope for half an hour. the sponsor of this webisode is body glide anti-chafe balm.
webisode 02:
the new biology teacher (played by melissa berkoff, former drummer of the post-punk band autoclave) passes around frogs for dissection. asher pretends to be a devout hangin kittologist (he cleverly improvs the name when he sees a “hang in there, kitty” inspirational poster). he further professes that touching dead things is contrary to his religious views. danica reminds him, perhaps insensitively, that his belt was once a cow and his boots were once a family of alligators. with his cover blown, asher hesitates to carve out a gallbladder but soon realises he has the steady hands of a calligrapher. the entire class then serenades asher with clarence “frogman” henry’s “ain’t got no home”. an iris wipe centers on the frog itself (played by the hand of the guy who operates elmo) croaking the famous rockabilly chorus.
webisode 03:
a philly art kid (played by regis philbin) is caught wearing an l. ron hubbard disguise and stenciling windsor letterforms onto the tennis courts of reuther high school. this kicks of a gritty montage of gang warfare set to “the rumble” from west side story but a record scratch signifies that this isn’t your parents’ gang fight montage. soon the familiar vocals of katy perry well up inside your laptop speakers as perry and cast rap about shin-stomping, eye-gouging, and the best spot to stab your enemy with a butterfly knife—all justifiable measures when high school pride is concerned. also: one of katy perry’s pepperoni-sized areolas starts accidentally peeking out of her corset in time with the song’s house music tempo. regrettably, it is heavily pixelated even though the fcc has no jurisdiction in cyberspace.
webisode 04:
in the tent city that sits in the shadow of prague’s charles bridge, jordyn discovers vaclav havel’s well-oiled body. she sings “dirge inferno” by cradle of filth while some bums masturbate in the corner. her mascara streaks in the shape of a question mark which hints that what she uncovered may not be have been havel’s body after all. the sponsor of this webisode is bertolli lucca extra virgin olive oil.
(One in a series of fake South 12th posts in honor of its third anniversary, written by its most faithful readers. This one is by Raynor Ganan.)
