Airport shoeshine: point-counterpoint.
Andy:
Last month I was walking through the terminal at MSP on my way to catch a flight. It was fairly late in the evening on a Sunday, so the concourse was very uncrowded. On the way to the gate, I passed a shoeshine stand. There was a man working there who looked as if he hadn’t a customer for hours.
“Hey!” he said as I walked by. “Get your shoes shined.”
I was in my summer aeronautical casual attire, which consists of a pair of pinstriped slacks rolled up into highwaters, and a pair of beat-up brown leather pennyloafers with no socks. I wondered why he thought I might need a shoeshine. I am all for shiny shoes, and if I’d been wearing oxfords, I certainly might have considered it. But I wasn’t wearing socks. Doesn’t that negate any benefits that a shoeshine might offer?
“Sorry! Thanks!” I replied.
“Come on! Your shoes look terrible!” he said. I found this little bit of editorializing very unnecessary.
“What?” I asked incredulously. “I paid five dollars for these shoes. They don’t need shined.” This is true. I bought these pennyloafers for five dollars at the St. Vincent de Paul in Phillips, and I wear them so I don’t have to worry about them getting messy. They’re the cheapest pair of shoes I’ve ever owned. The shoeshine itself would actually have been more expensive than the shoes. It would have been a total waste of time and money. I would have looked crazy walking around in highwaters and no socks and a pair of gleaming, polished brown shoes. Surely this guy gets that?
The man just waved his hand in disgust.
Shoeshine Man:
I was at the end of my shift at MSP on a Sunday night recently, getting ready to pack it in. It had been a slow night, with only one or two customers. No one needs their shoes shined. People look like crap when they fly these days. There was a time when people dressed up to fly — suits, dresses, smart leather shoes. Now it’s all sweatpants and highwaters. No one even wears leather shoes.
As I’m packing, this hippie walks by, with an unkempt beard and wearing a cruddy pair of slacks, no socks and some brown loafers. He looks terrible, so I think a shoeshine might help the guy out. He could take a little pride in his appearance when he deplanes to see his family or whomever. I just can’t stand to see a pair of nice loafers so mistreated.
“Hey!” I said to him as he walked past. “Get your shoes shined!”
He declined and kept walking by.
“Come on! Your shoes look terrible!” I said, hoping to at least shame him into looking presentable.
He looked at me and mumbled something about the shoes being five dollars and not needing shined. As if that makes a difference! Scuffed up loafers are scuffed-up loafers!
Like I said, people used to look presentable when they flew, and now this hippie is going to deplane in whatever city he’s going to and his shoes are going to look like shit. And no one is even going to care.
(July 29, 2009)
