Catechetism.
Q. Where was the wasps nest located?
A. In the latch cavity of the front driver’s side door of the 1999 Mercury Tracer.
Q. How many wasps were living in the wasps nest?
A. Twenty wasps.
Q. Why had no one opened the front driver’s side door of the 1999 Mercury Tracer in the amount of time it took twenty wasps to build a full-sized nest in the latch cavity?
A. I’d rather not discuss it.
Q. Why was it necessary to open the front driver’s seat door?
A. The St. Paul poet Paul D. Dickinson needed to pop the hood to remove the battery before MPR came to tow the 1999 Mercury Tracer away to Mercury Tracer Heaven, or a scrapyard in Blaine.
Q: What did the St. Paul poet Paul D. Dickinson plan to do with the battery?
A. He planned to install it in an acquaintance’s Geo Metro in Northeast Minneapolis.
Q. Is the St. Paul poet Paul D. Dickinson allergic to wasps?
A. Deathly.
Q. What did the St. Paul poet Paul D. Dickinson yell when the twenty wasps swarmed on him?
A. “If one of those fuckers stings me, you’ll have to drive me to HCMC.”
Q. Was there a can of Raid nearby?
A. There was not.
Q. Was there anything else nearby one could use to kill twenty wasps?
A. There was a rusted spray can of oven cleaner in a nearby alley.
Q. How effective is oven cleaner for the killing of wasps?
A. Very, as it turns out.
Q. What is the spray range of an average rusty can of alley oven cleaner?
A. Almost four feet, actually.
Q. How many wasps were killed with the oven cleaner?
A. All twenty.
Q. Was there any damage or discoloration to the body of the 1999 Mercury Tracer caused by the oven cleaner?
A. Surprisingly, no.
Q. What injuries did the St. Paul poet Paul D. Dickinson sustain in the process?
A. Minor electrical shocks were sustained in removing the battery. He was neither stung by wasp nor burned by oven cleaner.
Q. Where is the 1999 Mercury Tracer now?
A. Mercury Tracer Heaven, or a scrapyard in Blaine.
Q. Where is the rusty can of oven cleaner now?
A. Back in the alley it came from.
(June 29, 2010)
