Goddamn it, I saw a preview for this the other day, and almost went bananas, right there in the movie theater. When are we as a nation going to put our foot down? Enough Manhattan-based romantic comedies! Look, I love Barefoot in the Park and Annie Hall and Mannequin 2: On the Move as much as anyone. But there must be a stopping point somewhere.
As a legally ordained minister, I hereby call for a moratorium on romantic comedies set in New York City, or at least in Manhattan proper. No more! The people of Manhattan have nothing left to teach us about the joys and mysteries of urban romance!
Here is a list of approved locales romantic comedies may take place until further notice:
- Sacramento, California
- Denver, Colorado
- Boston-Worcester-Manchester combined statistical area (romances where preppy Radcliffe girls fall in love with loudmouth Irish Massholes are still acceptable and even encouraged)
- Indianapolis, Indiana
- Ann Arbor, Michigian
- Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
- Santa Fe, New Mexico
- Portland, Maine
- Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina
- St. Paul, Minnesota
Romantic comedies set in Brooklyn, Queens, the Bronx, Staten Island, New Jersey and the rest of the Tri-State Region the will be taken under advisement and considered on a case-by-case basis.
Romantic comedies set in Chicago will still be permitted, as long as the filmmakers sign an affadavit stating that they will refrain from including obligatory appearances by character actors that look, talk and act like Mike Ditka in order to establish that the film takes place in Chicago.
Filmmakers shooting in Toronto or Vancouver and trying to pass it off as New York will be sentenced to fifteen years hand-restoring the lost films of Harold Lloyd.
Get to work, Hollywood! I’ll be eagerly awaiting Taubman, in which Rachel McAdams plays an urban planning adjunct professor that must choose between a wealthy Oakland County hockey player (Chris Pine) and a garage band bassist from Ypsilanti (Ryan Gosling).
Update: It has come to my attention that Mannequin 2: On the Move was set in Philadelphia. My apologies.