How To Clean Your House
Tess Lynch helps you with the cleaning:
1. Pry hands away from keyboard.
2. Put away interesting things first (doodle pad, silly hats, animal friends).
3. Give yourself a really hard time about how messy it is. I like to start off with something like, “You are such a slob. Look at Georgia’s apartment. You’d rather live there, wouldn’t you? She looks like she lives like Audrey Hepburn. Get it together.” Then find an out-of-place object (like a fistful of dust, errant beer bottle, tiny piece of paper) and be like, “See this??? SEE THIS??? WHAT’S THIS DOING ON THE FLOOR?” Really give yourself a hard time. It won’t work unless you cry or go throw up or call a family member and be like, “What’s become of me???!!!”
4. Recover with a beer.
5. Throw away 80% of what you own.
6. Repeat step 4.
7. Get those Clorox wipes out. Stare at them. Those kill germs. Isn’t that good to know?
8. Laundry time!
9. Beer time.
10. You’re done.
